how are you????

Why is it that EVERY time i come home for the holidays, the only conversation i manage to have with former classmates consists of"How are you? Oh, good, im good too! Happy Holidays." Or worse, the person with whom im involved in this mindless conversation takes it a step further by asking the dreaded"what have you been up to?". Of all ridiculous questions to ask, i mean, really, we havent spoken in (anywhere from 2 to 8) years, do you really expect/care to be filled in on of the goings on in my life? No, you dont, yet you and i will both waste anywhere from 2 to 5 minutes of our lives pretending we care!! And god help me if we get to that point in the conversation where we both realize we really are over it, but, cant find an out, so we banter on for unknown minutes probably not even listening to what each other are saying, searching the room for a familiar face to escape this high school flashback. Dont get me wrong, id say one out of every 5 peeps, i am sincerely glad to run into. Anyhoo, thats what happened last night. Just another night in fresno. I met up with my friends, we went to a couple of the local hot spots(like theres more than a couple, hah!!), and none to my surprise(aside from the folks home for the holidays, which made everywhere slightly more jumpin than usual) its all the same kids getting hammered and having to go home at 130(i was like, what, last call at 1230? where am i utah?). Gawd, im sooooo glad i left this blackhole of a town!! I mean, i DO miss my family and friends, but godddd, i freakin hate this town. Its like time has stood still since i left. The crazy thing is, it will always be like this!!! Its like the town moves on slo mo while all the rest of us are on normal speed!!! Oh fresno.

tis the season

Well my friends, here it is tuesday morning, and im off to cali!! This weekend was pretty cool!! Friday night we went out to this little dance club around the corner called the gold mine saloon, its got lots of retro video games and plays lots of 80s and 90s shiggity!!(they have burgertime!!!!)We drank a bit too much(shock!!)and saturday morning i headed to work with the usual hangover!!! Sat. night i just chilled, but sunday definitely made up for it!!! i worked during the day, then at 5pm, the usual suspects(me, jason, athena, aaron) had a little bday bash for my friend maxwell/chris!! We boozed it up for a couple hours, then headed to jackson square to get our carol on!!!! It was sooo sweet(cold, but sweet), there was about a thousand or so folks, and they handed us sheets of paper with the lyrics, and little candles(that wouldnt stay lit, but i guess its just cute that they made the effort!!). Afterwards we went back to the pad to partake in more yuletide celebration of our own!!!(Champagne, and cosmos, yum!!!)My friend rebecca stopped by, and athena had to leave early, at around 10ish maxwell was headed home as well!! Around this same time is when aaron(my not boyfriend) and i had our first fight as a (NOT)couple. Oh yeah baby, and it wasnt some small little spat, we're talking huge, good thing we werent in public cuz folks woulda been starin kinda blowout!!!! Ok, so, how do i get into a fight with this guys whos not my bfriend about him hanging out with another girl!!! Gee, do i love the drama or what??(dont answer that!!)well, gotta get going, for the next 8 days or so, my tales will be californian!!! HAppy Hanukah!!! Shalom!!

i need a new job

So, i dont know how many of you know why i moved back to cali the first time, so ill fill ya in. Money, dinero, scrilla, cha ching. Basically, the main thing you need to survive, and though i had a job in a busy, fine dining restaurant, and often worked 12-13 hour days(i still choke everytime i see my hourly wage-2 dollars an hour, i feel because of my heritage(mexican) i can say this without getting any flack, farmworkers make more an hour than i do!!), i had no money. The main reason i worked where i did for as long as i did can be easily summed up in one phrase, my fear of commitment. I was having a conversation with (has a gfriend)aaron earlier, when this dawned on me. I was telling him how i have this whole loyalty thing with my employers, ive had it forever. I become attached early on to my work(co-workers, the environment, even the job itself), in turn, when i become unhappy, rather than searching for work somewhere else, i torture myself with feelings of guilt, for i feel im almost obligated to stay. At this point, when talking to aaron, is when i realized, how completely detached from normalcy i really am. I have a gigantic fear of commitment when it comes to relationships, ill do and or say just about anything to keep anyone from getting even remotely close to me. So, this is the F'd up part, its like i transfer all that fear of committing to my place of work, and fully devote myself now matter how shitty(in this case, im yet again making no cashflow) the circumstances. After this epiphany comes the hard part, since im now admitting my fault, if no attempt to remedy the situation is made, them im just plain ignorant, oh yay, gawd happy freakin holidays to me. I get to go home to california, then come back and quit my job, suhweet. On a much more uplifting note, the best movie ever comes out on dvd tuesday, go buy it beeotches!!!!!(if you dont know"gawwwdd, you're such a flippin idiot!!!")

Boys with horns

Just gotta say, i checked out this show last night that was freakin awesome!! It was called"the battle of the trumpets" and had two, sweet ass trumpeteers(what, thats a word!!) layin down the law(oh, my god, i really did just say that!!!!)on the stage for about 3 1/2 hours, they were backed up with a full band that kicked ass as well!! Then, and again, this is sooo why i heart this city, i walked down about 3 bars and saw another sweet show!!!! I mean really people, there's just no excuse why you are not all here with me. Which is why, today, sadly, i must resign from the office of being your friend!!! Im truly sorry to leave all of you behind on this journey, oh, wait sorry, thought i was a bush cabinet member for a sec, the difference being im gonna keep it real, i aint sorry!!! Wow, im super sleep deprived and just realizing what i wrote tells me, i need to just call it a night before i hurt myself or anyone else with these piercing words of mine!! Ok, we can still be friends, but, and again, keepin it real, I really just cant help but let you know i am a way cooler person than you because i live here, and as long as you live there(insert wack ass city you reside in here) thats just the way it is! Adios peeps!!!

Next year's xmas card!!!
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Lesbian Burger

So, last night was my first night on my own bartending/closing. It was pretty crazy, i mean, i got my first beliggerant customer, i made some money, and got out of there at a fairly decent time. I went next door and had a drink, then i was off to the french quarter to hang out with my friend jenn after working her last night at the bourbon house(suck ass restaurant i was employed at when i lived here the first time!!). I didnt eat dinner, or lunch, so, yeah you know where this story's goin, i was pretty happy(drunk)after just a couple cocktails(and maybe a couple shots)!! Anyway, i ended up hangin with a guy named jeff, who's a bartender at the bh. We ended up heading to a bar that was a little more punk rock(just his style). There was an attractive woman in her mid 30s who had just asked the bartender for a good place to eat that was close by, me being the food expert(fat kidd!!) that i am, i interjected and informed her of a place called yo mamas, it was only a couple of blocks away, and has by far the best burgers in town. These things are freakin huge and come with a big ass baked potato with all the fixins, it rocks!! I precede to tell her of the tasty morsels that are dished out of yo mamas, and how one, imparticular, the peanut butter burger(burger patty smothered in pb). She didnt believe me at first, but i went on and on about its yummy greatness!!! I finally sold her on it, and she was on her way. About 45 minutes later, she returned, with bag in hand. She walked up to the bar, next to me, and said,"Here's your pb burger." "Oh, no, im sorry, i meant that you should order a pb for yourself" "Yeah, i know, but i bought one for you too!!" I was so surprised by her kindness, that i didnt really know how to react. After thanking her, we started chatting, and (note to reader: at this point im going off of a very vague recollection of last nights happenings thanks to one too many raz stoli 7s, so the true appreciation of this event may be lost in translation since im still trying to figure out how i made it all the way up my deathly spiral staircase(with no railing!!!)much less the pb burger incident, and since i didnt truly recall this story until well into my hangover this afternoon(morning for me) i hope you realize how unreal it was!!) i informed her of a really cool show we were going to tonight. She stayed for a couple minutes more, i thanked her again for the burger and she was on her way. Me- "Wow, that woman was soo cool jeff, she totally bought me a pb burger, you just dont see kindness like that these days" Jeff-" Its not called kindness, its called being hit on!" Yes ladies and gentleman not only was I hit on by an attractive lesbian, but, my nievte(damn you catholic/middle class upbringing, damn you!!) hindered me from even realizing it until it was all over!! I mean, not that its that hard for me to understand, i mean, yeah, im pretty freakin hot, id hit on me, if i was a lesbian. but how am i that drunk/sheltered to not even notice!!!! Ah the dirtay south!!!

What a weekend!!

What up party peeps?? Well its monday, and we made it through the weekend(just barely, no, seriously!) So, lets catch you up! Friday night i went to work at the g. clove, it was pretty calm, since there's not a whole lot of peeps in town at the moment!! When i got off work, i decided to go straight home(i know, i could hardly believe myself!!!). Which, as u are about to read, led me to the realization that i just dont belong at home on the weekends!! So, im driving home, just entered the french quarter, and wham, i get stuck two cars behind an ambulance that was just rolling out on a stretcher, some dude on some sort of drug induced bad trip, he looked around mid20s, and was screaming and flailing for a good 20 minutes before the ambulance finally took off. At this point i felt i, at the very least, deserved a cocktail for having sat through such trauma, but i pushed through it and, after driving 3 times around my neighborhood, i settled on a spot about 3 blocks from my house. It APPEARED to be a legit parking spot, granted there were a couple signs posted, after reading both, i felt comfortable with my decision and walked my sober ass on home!! After id been home for about an hour, i started to get this weird anxiety/intuition rumble in my tummy. I told myself i was just being paranoid and went to bed. At 2am, i woke from a dead sleep, and decided to go check on/move my car! Yeah, im a nervous nelly, what can i say, oh, yeah, i can say, when i got to the corner where i parked my car, it was GONE!!! So there, i was freakin right!!!! Yeah they towed my car!!! This is what i get for trying to be a responsible adult? Staying in on a friday night because i had plans for early sat. morning, not so much a good idea!! Thats it, from now on i no longer discriminate the drinking days, everyday is a day to get smashed!!! Yay!!! Well, you cant say i didnt give the whole responsible adult thing a try, its just really not my style!! CHeers!!!!! So, saturday morning jason took me to get my car out of the ghetto impound(like we expected it to be anything but!). My friend billy and i headed to an art market. It was an outdoor/indoor event with some really cool shit, and some not so cool!!! Afterward we grabbed a bite to eat and i was off to the clove. Sat. night I met up with my friends aaron and athena. Athena had got us on the guest list to a holiday concert from a local woman named theresa andersson. She rocks!! She plays the violin and the guitar. We got to hang out with her backstage before she went on, i was sooo vip!!! Athena did the worm in the vip room, that bitch is sooo crazy, i love her!!!!! We had a really great time and drank way too much!! Which leads me to yesterday!! I worked at 1030am yesterday. Let me just say this much, ive only worked 3 day shifts on sunday, and on all 3, if you happened to stop in to say hi or what have you, there would be only one place to find me, calling the dinosaurs, praying to the porcelain gods, etc. Gawd, i love how i take my job seriously, how i hold it with such high regard, how i maintain such high levels of professionalism, HAHAHAHAH!! The week ahead seems promising, im looking forward to a really cool show tomorrow night, its also my friend maxwells bday, and the 30th anniversary party at igors(owner of g.clove's bar, right next door to the g.clove). At the party they have 1 hour where ALL the DRINKS are FREE, its gonna be awesome!!!!! LATA

Friday

Ok, so id love to go on and on about how productive my week has been, well i guess in a nontraditionally manner it kinda has;
MONDAY- well, sunday night was actually the last night i worked(work tonight, and for the next 5 days).After getting out kinda late(still trying to get the hang of closing the restaurant by myself). I noticed i had like, 4 missed calls from (i kinda got a girlfriend)aaron. Why does he think that after divulging his ongoing relationship, its still acceptable to call me at all hours(from 2am on)? Cuz, its not!! But, you know glutten for punishment me?I called to find he was plastered at some bar down the street from my house and wanted to know if he could crash? I guess on some level i must enjoy/feed off of the drama(though i'll NEVER admit that outside of this blog!!!!). Anyway, monday was pretty uneventful.
TUESDAY- So, after a calm day in the neighboorhood(started reading Friday Night Lights, started up the crochet factory, gawd, what am i, like 70 or something?). I was watching the news, you havent watched local news til you've seen it here!! Anyway, the top story was, are ya ready for this, an 8 year old girl got suspended indefinitely after teachers found what appeared to be jello shots on her person!! Oh, it gets better!! The mother, a bartender in the french quarter, apparently sent the(they're claiming they're non-alcoholic, whoever heard of such a thing?what a waste of jello!!)shots with the girl to sell to her friends, get this, "for extra money to buy christmas presents"!!! Ahhh, life in the dirtay south!!!! Unfreakinbelievable!!!
WEDNESDAY- So, yeah, this day consisted of me, trying my hardest to not watch daytime television(its like heroin!!!), and calling in to my friend athenas radio show and giving my opinions(i called like, 4 different times, and had to use different accents)it was, well, its sad actually that that was truly the"highlight" of my hump day!!
THURSDAY- Yesterday made an otherwise bland week all worth it!! I got my tivo(im now officially a member of c.p.u.-couch potatoes united,)....me pondering why exactly it is im still single.....hmm, got nothin!!!!;o)
And so here we are at friday!! Im not sure what the weekend has in store for me, considering this is technically my monday, thats not to say i wont be able to find time for my one true love, ahh stoli!!! You're always there for me, you never do me dirty, unless i mix you with too much cranberry, it which case, its my own damn fault for taking away from your natural beauty!!! Holla!!!

me and marc, hes sooo dreamy!!
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Sorry blog!

Wow, i cant believe how long its been since ive kicked the funky lyrics on this byotch!!(I'm officially urbanized!!!!) So, geez i gotta lot splaining to do(lame lucy reference!). Where to begin...Ok, well, the weekend after thanksgiving was spent mostly holed up in my homestead for it was the weekend of the "bayou classic". Yeah, pretty much, just as freakin ghetto as it sounds. Its a football game between two(predominately black)southern colleges(grambling, southern). But, and let me just say before i delve too far into this rant, i am in no way shape or form discriminatory with my feelings toward ignorance. In other words, if you're a jackass, i dont care what color your skin is, you're an idiot. And so, with my rant, where was i, oh yes the ghetto classic. Ok, so people started showin up in town on like, wednesday,(game was on saturday )there are sooo many things wrong with this;
1.Its freakin thanksgiving for gawds sake!!!! I mean, come on, cool you're a devoted fan(of schools id never even heard of till this particular weekend!)but, is it really that serious of an event to put friends and family(and bomb ass turkey sandwiches, come on, you know those leftovers are like, almost better than the initial meal)on the backburner for a game? Glad you're not in my family!!
2.Hi,welcome to my city,if you would kindly leave your guns, knives and sweet tea at the state line! Ok, so not to knock tourists, cuz, well for one, im pretty much a tourist, for like, life.Secondly, im fully aware that the economic stability/revenue of this city pretty much relies on tourism. But, come on. Some of these fools should NEVER LEAVE HOME. First off, what the f is sweet tea, and what the hell makes you thing that just because you have it in whatever backwood town you came from makes it even a slight possibility that we've ever even heard of said tea(still have no idea). When bitching about this topic to jason he compared it to us assuming that we could find a tri-tip sandwich anywhere in this city.(Thats right people, all these bbq joints, and no tri-tip, and they call it a bbq, its a travesty, thats what it is!!!) So not only are they drinkin weird shit, but they're bringing the street violence(yeah, you know, havent heard of any shootings in the last...). I mean, first they wouldnt even let me into the french quarter(hellooo, im like, a resident. hehe!!). Then, and at this time id like to point out that both nights i was in at, well, a decent hour(arent ya proud of me dad!!). Nevermind that i was pretty much running on like a 3day hangover, nonetheless, i was home on a weekend!! Anyway, my SOBER sleep was constantly interrupted by what, at first, i thought was a crazy dream of me living in like, south central, or compton, when in fact it was a helicopter hovering like, directly over our house, both nights til about 4 in the morning. Turns out there were 3 seperate stabbings just on bourbon street this weekend, yay tourists!!! I mean, come on, i(if im still occupying the french quarter)will make defininite plans to avoid any activity in the quarter for the good ole ghetto classic next year!! Apparently every year this particular weekend is riddled with beligerantly violent acts, gooooo grambling!?!
So, that was turkey day weekend. Last week totally rocked!!!!
Wednesday, December 1st- My friend athena got 2 pairs of tickets to the hornets, kings game. But it was really just a kings game, i mean, what are the hornets now, like 1-15, its more than pathetic, i just, its sad!! Anyhoo, that was fun, we had really great seats, and athena and i ran into some jackass. Im not gonna ramble(well, at least not about this particular story!)about this one, i'll just leave it at this:when at any sort of event that requires one to, when needing to pass by, cause other individuals to be temporarily disrupted, one should simply use the two words that make said event socially acceptable"excuse me". In other words, asshole in orange shirt, its two words for gods sake, and yeah my shoes are pointy, but you wouldnt have had to step on my foot if you werent such a rude jackass!!!!
Thursday, December 2nd-So, in case you didnt read a post from the day before turkey day, i saw my boyfriend marc at the hob that night. Well, on this night, athena's radio station, was having their annual holiday concert, and marcy poo(yes, we have pet names, mines...well, we're still working on it, you cant rush these things people!!)was performing. Athena, being the kick ass friend she is, aware of my adoration for the soulful louisianan, got me vip tickets to the show. We went together, and watched the concert from the upstairs(pimp steezy!!). We were watching the opening act, when someone said my name, in a very raspy, twangy murmur, i turned around to find it was my marc!! Apparently he had gone into athenas station prior to the show, and athena went on and on about her wicked cute friend(yeah jerkface, shes talking bout me!!!)who loved his music, so, he told her he'd meet me at the show. And so the romance begins. I mean, he's real busy with touring and ya know becoming famous and everything, so we decided to keep it casual, he said he'd call.....Oh, and my friend billy(guy who ive been spending time with, hes supercool, )came to the show with me. We were having a great time, when aaron(guy who i was previously spending time with unitl he divulged the existence of his girlfriend in germany, who was coming here for christmas. Oh, and this conversation happened after i having to rearrange my work schedule, picked his punk ass up from the airport!!UGHHHHHH!)called, he eventually showed up to the show, uninvited, putting me in an awkward position(evening consisted of each slyly putting the other down in some witty manner, and each sneaking flirtatious glances with me)until the end of the night, when in true janice fashion, i left for the restroom, and upon returning found the boys surrounded by like 6 or 7 chicks, ahhh my love life!!!!!
The rest of the weekend we pretty much just chilled, but yesterday, ah yesterday!!
My friend maxwell(kid from s.d. who djs here)had to do a remote(2hr live feed into radio station)from a place called plaquemines parish, they were having an orange festival. Im usually pretty informed on the goings on around town, but i hadnt heard of this particular one, and upon arriving(after a two hour drive that felt more like 5 because, aside from the sporatic trailer, or beautious mansion-there was one that was sooo awesome, only, in true bayou, backwood fashion, the front lawn was adorned with two, monstrously grotesque pink flamingos, why louisiana, why?-there was literally nothing on the entire trip, oh and i cant forget to give a shoutout to my boys at the quickie mart along the way, appropriately named, GRAB YOUR SACK-Im not joking!!!!!)Once we arrived to what to the naked eye appeared to be nothing more than a parking lot carnival, a real bad one too, not that there's actually like, decent ones, but, anyhoo, oh, so upon further investigation(earlier that morning it was pouring rain, and of coursed this little partay was on what used to be dirt, but in its pretty much liquid form could be referred to as, shit, no, oh yeah mud) and having to roll up my cute new gap jeans that were official victims of this supposed festival(me, not so festive at this point)alas a view of the festival. Chalked full of goodies such as; -an orange wine tasting booth(that shit was legit!!!, and quite affordable at only 8 bucks a pop)
-an orange tasting booth(dude, they had like, 12 different kinds of oranges, im no longer ignorant to the citrus world and all of its many gifts it has to share with the world(blood-red navels, dude, they're freakin great!!!!!!!!
-I couldnt leave out the arts/craft booths with many, uh, unique, items(dude, one chick was selling shalacked pieces of wood,what the hell?)Except for one booth, some braud was attempting to sell her half-bayou ass version of crocheted scarves, i was like, listen heeah(thats here in dirtay south lingo byotches!) you just make sure you keep your wimpy ass scarves on this side of the, uh, (at this point realize i dont know where the hell i am, and also notice a large crowd encircling me, out of nowhere, im clocked with something right in the dome, i look to the ground and notice its a red navel, ive been hit!! Suddenly im being pelted with citrus of all shapes and sizes, its like a stoning, no, its a juicing, i attempt to make a run for it, but am held back by my new found love for the plump, sweet juices of the bloody navel, i fall to my knees, and though ive now blacked out, the pain is worth the price, for the lingering taste from that small, round delicacy is with me, always!!) God, that is so like me, i love being a fat kid!!!!