Neglect is a four letter word.

I realize its been a criminal 4 months since my departure from blogging. I actually feel guilty for committing said crime. I know excuses are like assholes, we all have them and yes, they ALL stink. So, i wont even attempt to give a lame ass excuse. (cuz really, that, at its best, is all it would amount to) I will merely suggest an acceptance of my sincerest apologies. And, unlike the err made in my last post, i wont promise to keep up the blogging, i will simply vow to make it more of a priority. ( as much of a priority as eating, sleeping, and drinking are. which means, i SHOULD be doin this shit pretty much all the time) So, what to tell, what to tell.....i guess ill start where i left off. it was valentines day (yet another excuse to purchase mass amounts of chocolate, the day after of course, no way im paying full price for freakin chocolate shaped hearts!!) and i was alone (insert"awww" of sympathy) and i had to work!! As if werent shitty enough having to deal with this purely commercial holiday ( i mean really, who actually knows the story behind st. valentine? anyone...anyone...bueller?) alone. I have to serve cheesy couples who insist on cuddling and smooching in my presence. Gross!!! So, yeah, february was a pretty chill month. i went down to fresno for mardi gras( what a culture shock that was, i actually had to pay a COVER at a bar in FRESNO, for MARDI GRAS!!! i was not a happy camper!!) what else....oh, a group of my friends came up to hang, that was really cool!! In march, i started hangin more with my coworkers. I've met some really kick ass peeps. So, yeah, in march i went down to fresno for moms bday. At the end of the month my friend jake came up to visit. After that visit, jake and i started talking alot....but, ill get to that in a bit...where were we....so, april...umm...lets see in april i went to reno for my friend jamies bachelorette party. 14 chicks...all of whom work in the service industry, a lot of crown royal, and getting apprehended by casino security (after a chippendales show, mind you) at which point we were told our shirts were "offensive to customers", we were at a male NUDE revue!!! talk about hypocrisy!!! my friends rene and richie came up at the end of the month i spent a couple weeks in fresno....went to a giants game, spent some time in san francisco with jake. i spent the first three weeks of may in tahoe...sober....it was quite refreshing. jake and i started getting pretty serious. i couldnt believe it...i actually like this guy!! and even stranger...he likes me back!!! i went down to san diego for a few days to hang with my family. then i went back to fresno for my friend jays 30th birthday. after that trip i came back to tahoe and jason and i decided our time in tahoe was done. i decided to move back to fresno and pursue my own business opportunites. so, i quit my job at cabo wabo. i went back to fresno at the beginning of june and stayed for a couple weeks. my friend jamescame to fresno to visit. i attempted to begin the job search process ( by attempt i mean, i exerted very little to no effort!!). now im back in tahoe. we have to be out of the house by july 7th. so, thats that. you are pretty much caught up with the life of janice, up to this point. now, about this boyfriend thing. i just have this thing. i know you're not supposed to compare relationships, new ones to old ones. but, how can you not? i mean, ive definitely learned alot from those past experiences, and (few as they may be) i really have nothing else to base my knowledge on....so, my deal is, well, its basically a fear, i guess. a fear of the whole "label". making it (the relationship) official scares me. i mean, REALLY scares me!! i guess what it comes down to is that, from what i know to be true in relationships, a label brings about, lies. lies, and deceit. my two least fave things in life!! i know i have to just suck it up and take a leap of faith. i have to trust what we have (which is awesome, i never knew it could be this awesome!!) to be real. i have to trust my feelings as well as jakes. i have to trust jake. it sounds so simple. im reading what ive written and im like, why is this even an issue? ive made him wait, for the label. and he has, patiently waited. oh my gosh...I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!! alert the presses!!!! adios!!!